Friday, October 17, 2014

SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE (Whatever)

People talk about sharing and giving and all of that thoughtful stuff and I just shake my head, scratch my ears and lick my feet. I don’t really get it. What’s mine is mine right? I am entitled to my food, my toys, my bed, but it seems that I am supposed to share. Where did this concept come from? Whoever made it up has never met me or they would have put in an exception clause. Some of us were just born greedy. You just get more stuff by being self-centered and when the world revolves around you, life is good. I sometimes pretend to share so that my Mom will say “Oh, that’s so nice Chuck” while I am thinking “not really Mom.” It is a good way to earn a treat and a friendly pat on the head. I just can’t keep it up very long. Maybe I should just be secretly selfish and no one would really know. I know that you, my blog followers will not betray my trust so let’s just keep this discussion between us. I will snarl more quietly when someone comes near my stuff: just loud enough for my selfish message to get across. I will pretend to share my toy and then snatch it back before anyone is the wiser. I really don’t care what anyone thinks, but I do have a reputation to uphold. Please do your part by telling everyone what a good dog I am….kind, thoughtful, generous, smart, handsome…yadda-yadda-yadda. If you do this for me, you won’t get anything because I am selfish.

Chuck

Generosity Challenged 

This is me pretending to share my new favorite toy (you know for the camera and all).
Cayenne however knows that I am not going to so much as let her look at MY toy.
She's all blurry 'cuz she's shaking her head…she really should know by now.

Friday, October 10, 2014

FEED ME!

Twice daily, my house becomes a cacophony of barking, howling, whining and complete impatience. Is someone at the door? No. Is an unknown animal nearby? No. Did the mailman or trash man come? No. This disturbance in the universe occurs because it is time to eat. Each of us dogs struggle to wait for our next meal. We commiserate with each other through our howling and barking. We notice that our fellow dogs are starving. Our little ribs are poking out. We haven’t eaten in forever. You cannot get the dishes down fast enough. Did we have breakfast? I can’t remember. If my Mom would just give me a giant bowl that would last me all day, I might be a happier dog. By listening to all of us at mealtime, one would think that we have NEVER been fed. Of course that isn’t true, but it feels that way in the moment. Do people do this too, I wonder? Are restaurants full of screaming, whining people who can’t wait for their meal? I suppose not. It is just us furry impatient creatures who just can’t seem to get enough. At my house, even the horses snort and whinny when they sense that food time is approaching. It is like we are all wearing little watches that go off when our breakfast or dinner is due. The little snacks and treats that we receive are like a little appetizer that just makes us want more. Maybe we should get more. Maybe we should have four meals a day instead of two. I’m just sayin’………….

CHUCK

Dinner Bell
video

Why did you give me an empty bowl? Can't you see how shaky and weak I am.
This blog writing really takes it out of a guy like me.


Thursday, October 2, 2014

FALL COLORS

Everyone is always so excited about fall because of the colors. I want to discuss this concept, but first I want to talk about all of the things that I am going to miss as I wave my paw goodbye to summer.

I will miss nude sunbathing in my back yard, all of the flies that chase me through the house while I am howling at them, the afternoon rain showers that make for good naps, the smell of the barbeque and the lure of the food that I am going to steal, the World Cup Soccer games, the longer days so that I can get more naps in, the bicycles that go by my house just so I can bark my big Chihuahua warning and last but not realistic, margaritas that I dream of drinking while sitting outside watching the sunset.

There is lots of stuff that I will miss, but let’s talk about what excites me about fall….
The leaves drop and I get to chase them and eat them if time allows (before I get caught), warm toasty blankets that come out of the dryer for me to snuggle in, getting a little bit more fur on my nearly hairless body, Halloween and Thanksgiving (food centered holidays), shorter days, but longer naps and last but not realistic, attending the Oktoberfest and drinking some pumpkin beer.

I hope my reflections of the seasons have prompted you to think of your own list to look forward to this fall, but please don’t try to eat my leaves or steal any of my beer. I will bite you.

CHUCK

Leaf Blower
Dang, I'm handsome! I just had to say that.
It just blurted out of me, I couldn't help it.
I really should be more modest…whatever that means.
But just look at me, it's totally hard to look away, right?

Friday, September 26, 2014

SUCK IT UP!

I am addressing this blog to my furry fans who are afraid of the vacuum cleaner. I know… it sucks! This is a creature that no dog wants to confront. It is a beast that could suck me up right out of a sound sleep and I might never be seen or heard from again. How frightening is that? It also steals all of the potential snacks off the floor before I have a chance to eat them myself. I find this to be my worst fear! I do have some hope to offer to all who must endure this terror…….
First of all, do not make eye contact. If it sees you watching, it will attack for sure. Second, hide under your blanket. This strategic move would have the creature get the blanket first which would immobilize it long enough for you to get away to a more secure location. The third and best plan is a preemptive strike. When the beast is sleeping, you should use your sharp little teeth and chew off its tail. It will then be unable to get you.

Be brave and stay strong!
Yours in battle,

CHUCK
I've got this! I will sever it's life source by morning.
I'm going to go sharpen my teeth now.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

BIG BONE APPETITE

It has been requested that I share some of my culinary secrets with my blog fans. Normally, I would say no, but my blog fans deserve the very best. In this case, it is my recipes of favorite Chihuahua cuisine. You will even be able to use some of these even if you don’t have a Chihuahua. My recipes do not discriminate and can be used for pooches of all persuasions. You might even be tempted to try some yourself. It’s ok don’t be shy about it. We all have a little “Chuck” in us when it comes to food. I am just proud to be your inspiration for good eating!


Our first furry delicacy is called “Mac and Chuck” This contains a BIG bowl of cooked macaroni noodles and cheese sprinkled shamelessly with salmon cat food. I know…the cat food is stolen, but it adds just the right flavor to this twisted classic.

Our next muttley menu item is called “Chicken Chuck Pie” This feast contains your basic little Chihuahua size piecrust, filled with veggies of all varieties, roasted chicken with Milk Bone dog biscuits arranged on top of the crust for a lovely presentation. (The presentation will not last long once the dish has been served so enjoy looking at it while you can!)
Just to keep you drooling, I will share one more of my favorites before I end this blog. I always want to leave you wanting more. Kind of like how I feel after dinner.

Last, but not least there is my favorite straight from the homeland….”Chuck’s Tiny Taquitos” This tasty appetizer contains little rolled up mini tacos filled with a dazzling display of meats and whatever else you want to throw in there. Just roll them up, put them in the oven and add a little bit of hot sauce and you will feel like you are in a bar in Mexico. Beer is optional. 16 taquitos will serve 16 of your favorite small dogs or 2 Pit Bulls.
I hope you enjoy a little you and ME time in the kitchen!

CHUCK DU JOUR

Silence my captivated audience. Get ready to be schooled…
First, get up on the counter. You may need assistance with this step. 
I recommend the yappy, yappy, jump, jump and circle, circle, repeat.



Friday, September 12, 2014

PLEASE PULL OVER

 Now that I am over my depression, I am once again thinking about my career. It is great being a blogger, but I think that I need to do something else to serve the public, something selfless and generous. Yes I am thinking of becoming a police officer. Think of all of the good that I could do for my friends and neighbors. I could wear a small little bulletproof vest with little handcuffs and a very small little dog gun. I could get one of those little dog police cars with flashing lights and a siren that barks a warning that I am on your tail! Get it…tail? Anyway, instead of pulling someone over and asking for their license and registration, I could insist on them handing over any food items that they might have in their vehicle. If they say they don’t have any food, I could search their car myself with my food attuned nose and write them a ticket if I come up empty. If there is something tasty of interest to me, I will let them go on their way. I would also frequent the donut shops and would be welcomed with free donuts for my excellent service. I am not sure where a badge would fit in, so maybe I would have to be undercover. I do spend a lot of time under my blanket, so I do have experience in that area. I could even get my own K-9 officer to assist me with the big busts, like a really big ham or a pizza or something that I might not be able to handle by myself. It is all about teamwork when you are on the force. I would have to be in charge though and get my slice of the pizza first. I think that would only be fair.

OFFICER CHUCK
Lead Detective
Food Investigator
State Pooper
 
This uniform is really impairing my ability to frisk my suspects.
 Let me tell you, I've found way more than your everyday breath mints, if you know what I mean.