Thursday, December 18, 2014

SANTA IN REVERSE

I have been working on a little tradition-changing project. It is called “Chuck’s Very Merry Christmas as Santa. “ In MY Christmas story, Santa is ME and I go around and tell people what I want for Christmas! I know. It is a cute little twist on the whole Santa thing, but I think it makes way more sense. It is all about the math. If there is only one Santa and everyone tells him what they want, there is room for a mistake or two. If I am Santa and I tell everyone what my gifts should be, there is a good chance that I am going to score big on Christmas Day. Let me break this down for you…
One Santa- (trying to by gifts for the whole world) versus:
Me as Santa- (the whole world buying gifts for me), I like it! I think this Christmas will be the best ever! I have put together a little picture party of me as Santa visiting with my friends who now know what I want for my presents. I did repeat some requests just to be sure. Like HAM. You can’t ever have too much ham.

CHUCK
Not so SECRET SANTA
Merry Christmas


Hey slip me some HAM Mam.
I love me some HAM.
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPER HAM.



You just ate HAM didn't you? Come on give it back!
I've loved HAM since I was a baby...
If I come down your chimney,
will there be HAM & milk waiting for me?

This is the Doc I come to see when I can't find any HAM
and I accidentally eat my blanket.
Where did I leave the HAM?










Thursday, December 11, 2014

RUMOR HAS IT

So I heard from Cayenne who heard from Sabre who heard from Dutchess that my Mom told someone at work that I am a jerk! Do I look like a jerk to you? I think not. Why would my Mom think that huh? I have racked my little dog brain trying to figure it out and each time I think I might have an idea I dismiss it as ridiculous. I have come up completely empty pawed on this one. Maybe one of my blog fans can figure it out for me. It is tough having to ask for help but if you have heard something through the grapevine, I would appreciate you cluing me in on the scoop! It should be difficult for my Mom to talk behind my back since I am so short and cute, but it sounds like she found a way to do it and I am at a loss for barks.
I had better hurry up and get my stunt double in case my Mom decides to start reprimanding me. I don’t really know what the consequences are for being a jerk. I will for sure need my double for the treat deprivation or public shaming to come and you can't expect me to take any friendly taps on my hind end can you? I didn't think so.

CHUCK
Clueless Jerk
Look my Mom is getting ready to pat my butt.
Can I even say butt in a blog? …pat my backside, how's that.




Thursday, December 4, 2014

STUNT DOUBLE

I have recently become aware of the danger that I put myself in while being photographed for this blog. Just last week, I was perched high atop a counter chair while posing for the camera. It would not be unusual for me to leap onto the countertop for a morsel of food. I could then easily fall to the ground and break something. If you remember, I was recently photographed inside the dryer. My Mom could have hit a button and I could have taken a heated tumble. I used to think that I was fearless, but now I realize that I have an obligation to my fans to remain intact (you know what I mean right?) In other words, I can’t risk any bodily injuries that might interfere with my blog writing. So I have decided to hire a stunt double. That dog will take all of the risks while I get all of the glory. My stunt dog will not be allowed to fill in on videos where I am eating or get the treats that I get after posing. It will be kind of a no frills kind of job, but I think any dog would be thrilled to pretend to be me even if just for a moment. It should make anyone’s life worthwhile and make my life a little more secure. I will be accepting applications this week. I know that no one out there is as handsome as me, but with the right camera angle, I think we could make it work.

CHUCK

Photo Shopped
Of course this is dazzlingly debonair ME. I know, I know how am I possibly
going to find a dog even half as handsome as ME. 

Buddy was my first applicant…not going to happen.
His head isn't nearly as big as mine.
I think he was just in it for the treats anyhow.



Wednesday, November 26, 2014

THANKFUL PART 4

On this last and final blog of my thankful month, I must start out with what I am supposed to say…..

I am thankful for all of the love and kindness in the world: For all of the generous and thoughtful things that we all do for each other every day: For all of the random acts of kindness that make our days delightful.

OK, so does that sound like anything I would say? Not even if I was being tickled or coerced would I utter such words of mushiness. The truth is, the thing that I am most thankful for is FOOD. Any variety or kind of food that will fit in my little hungry mouth!
So let’s try it again using the correct and truthful words that I would use.

On this final blog of my thankful MOUTH……..
I am thankful for all of the food and food and food in the world. For all of the generous portions that are given to me every day. For all of the random pieces of food that I get off of the carpet that make my day delightful!

It is always better to tell the truth don’t you think?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

CHUCK
Promoting World Peace

And Whirled Peas

I have chosen a plate that is just about as big as my head…I think.
 I don't want to appear greedy or anything. I won't need the silverware though,
I am a practiced and professional snarfer…it's a gift and a skill, that I am thankful for.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

THANKFUL PART 3

It is so nice this time of year to think about all of the comforts of home that make you smile, or in my case WAG! This week I am expressing my gratitude for some little things that just make me happy! For me it doesn't take much. I love to be toasty and warm. This is super important because I am almost hairless. Unlike a Husky or other big hairy dog, I am a small bald Chihuahua so I get chilled easily. Before you start thinking of how thankful you are for chili dogs, I need you to focus and get back on MY topic, which is about my comfort, not your food cravings! Anyway, I love, love, love anything that keeps me warm. I love the dryer because it warms up my blanket. I love the metal thing in the floor that spews out warm air! I love snuggling in my blanket and staying there all day long no matter who tries to get me to come out! ( I have been known to come out for food, but it should probably be warm too! Like a heated stick of Pupperoni. Yum! ) No one has ever heated up my snacks, but I am just including the idea in my theme of warmth! I am thankful for warm stuff. I bet you are too! Just so you know, I have first dibs on the dryer so your laundry will have to wait!

CHUCK
Totally Toasty

I know this is dangerous sitting in a dryer like this,
not in the James Bond way more like the stupid way,
 but I can't help it, it's soooo warm in here. If you could fit you'd try it too.
And this is me with the metal thing spews out warm air.
I love you metal thing…I wish I could take you outside with me.
Ok so here's a tip my adoring fans -
never fall asleep with your nose covered 'cuz you might miss dinner.
Your welcome…do you adore me more now?
I'm still adorable right?

Thursday, November 13, 2014

THANKFUL PART 2

This week I would like to continue on my blogging of gratitude. I know that last week I focused a little bit on myself. This week I would like to offer my gratitude and thanks to the Doctors at the Veterinary Specialty Center. Because let’s face it, if it weren’t for them, I might not be here to blog or eat or cause mayhem. The Doctors there are so full of knowledge and skill. They each have their own amazing personalities and specialties. To this day, I am humbled to know that they all became board certified just to help ME. It is time consuming and probably pretty pricey, but they know as you do that I am worth it. I do let them help some other animals in need from time to time, but mostly they are all on call waiting for my next emergency. I feel comfortable doing some naughty things knowing that all of these Doctors are available to get me out of whatever I might get into.
I think I should do a quick list of my medical history, just in case you are new to my blog….

- 1st one, not fun… neuter that involved abdominal exploration. (I refuse to  go into details on this).
- Bilateral hip surgery
- Rock and plastic removal from my stomach (I still don’t know how that stuff got in there).
- Reaction to medication - respiratory failure. I had to live in the ICU oxygen bubble kennel for 3 days- good food though.
- My coffee eating spree landed me another stay in the ICU.
- Food intoxication - Stop laughing, it is not funny!
- Wicker in my windpipe. No more baskets for me.

I’m sure I might have left something out, but you get the idea. I am a medical prodigy!

CHUCK

Doctor of Destruction
This is me when I was totally rockin' it but then
Mom freaked out and had the docs remove it & the tasty morsel of plastic.

Well I'm never doing that again…probably…maybe, I did get a lot of attention.

If I eat this board, will I be board certified too?
I think it's way harder than that…but
I think Chuck Diplomate, ACVS would be so cool though.




Thursday, November 6, 2014

THANKFUL PART 1

As Turkey Day, I mean as Thanksgiving Day nears, I am going to blog each week in this month about things that I am thankful for. I hope that you will follow me this month with your own list of things to be thankful for. Please be creative and don’t steal from my list. One of the things I am thankful for is my selfishness. (I get and keep more stuff).
This week I would like to focus on ME. I think that is a good start don’t you? So that means that as you write your own list, you focus on YOU while paying close attention to ME.  Here we go……
I am thankful that:
I am so handsome
I am so smart and charismatic
I am sneaky
I am the leader of the little dog pack. (most of the time)
I am free to hit the pee pad or not. No one is the wiser.
I look sharp in any clothes that are put on me
I have vision like a hawk and can swoop on floor food quickly
I am so humble
Now it is your turn to write a list. Don’t be shy. Really put it out there about yourself. You have things to brag about I am sure. Maybe not as much as me, but you aren’t Chuck and this isn’t your blog! (If your name is Chuck, sorry, but the latter comment still stands)

CHUCK
Full of Grace and Humility
(I would be if they were food items)


As you can plainly see I am really so perfect, I'm not sure what to say.
I could just stare at ME for hours.