LANGUAGE BARRIER

BUENOS MEEEE- AS

In honor of Cinco De Mayo, I am working at learning a little Spanish. I was planning on hiring a tutor to help me, you know bringing in a Chihuahua who is from Mexico to teach me all of the language stuff that I should know. The problem is getting my tutor in to my house without my Mom knowing. She thinks she has her hands full of little dogs and doesn’t need any more, so without my tutor, I am left with Google. The most important word in the Spanish language is Jamon. I think you might know what it is? I would also like to add that I would like a Jamon sandwich please!!!

CHUCK
Muy Hemoso

TAKE ME OUT TO THE HAM GAME!

DO YOU THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO SLEEP  WEARING THIS DUMB HAT?

So baseball season is upon us and I get that stupid song stuck in my head. I don’t know all of the words, but I know the ending. “It’s one, two, three strikes you’re out if you steal my ham!” So true, so beware! I look forward to hanging out with my Dad and sleeping through some baseball games. Don’t let him fool you. He watches the games through his eyelids as well. It is a great sport for napping and eating ham and chips. Throw some beer in there and we have ourselves a little slumber party! Enjoy the rest and relaxation you will get while enjoying yourself some baseball!

CHUCK
Swing and a miss!

SOME BUNNY LOVES YOU!

HAPPY HAM EASTER!!!!!

Every year for Easter, I ask for a basket of ham. This year I am going to ask for two baskets of ham. I know you are wondering how I could expect twice as much ham as my usual gift? My answer is that I am feeling a little more love this year. I am thinking that my parents are adoring me a little bit more than usual. You are also wondering if I have changed my behavior and tweaked my naughtiness a little, but the answer is no. I am still rotten and naughty, but I think that because I am so cute my parents can’t help but love me like crazy. I may not be as cute as a little Easter bunny, but I am a close second. You should try to be more cute and just watch the love roll in! Put some bunny ears on and maybe you can get two baskets of your favorite food!

CHUCK
Not a chocolate bunny!

IS THERE A HAM TAX?

WHERE IS MY ACCOUNTANT?

It is tax time and as I labor over my pages and pages of taxes, I am a little bit concerned about how much I am going to have to pay this year due to my excessive ham habit. As I am trying to itemize my expenses, ham is at the top of the list. I am also worried about a sleeping tax. If so, I am going to owe big time. There also could be a blanket tax that will send me to the poor Chihuahua house. I think that I shouldn’t have to pay taxes because I am little and I don’t have any money. That is what I am planning on telling the government when they come to lock me up. If you have any other suggestions to guarantee my freedom, please let me know or you may never see this blog again. 

CHUCK
Over taxed!

WHAT IF I CAN'T AFFORD MY HAM?

MONKEY BUSINESS

THIS IS THE QUIET ME RIGHT BEFORE THE SCREECHING
YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS THAT I COULD EVER BE IRRITATING!

So even as I get older, I still seem to come up with some cool, immature stuff to irritate my Mom. You would think I would have grown out of that, but not so much. I have this new sound I make when it is time to be released from my pen. It is similar to a screeching monkey right out of the Amazon jungle. I will admit it is a hideous sound, but it is worth all of my efforts to see the look on my Mom’s face when I do it. Sometimes it is late at night and it echoes through the whole house and wakes my Dad and the big dogs. They all snap to attention wondering when we bought a monkey and brought it home. They are also wondering when it can be returned to its native homeland. NEVER, sorry! Until I am tired of this creepy loud noise, I am going to keep doing it because I am Chuck!

CHUCK
Extremely Loud Sock Monkey!

EXCLUSIVE REPORT!

LOOK HOW SNEAKY I AM! YOU CAN HARDLY TELL THAT I AM WATCHING!

It is hard to find time to be an investigative Chihuahua, but I somehow managed to dig up a scoop. Normally I would be napping or eating, but my curiosity got the best of me and I delayed my nap time by 5 whole minutes. I didn’t cut back on my food time cause I’m not a stupid dog, but the nap time was a huge sacrifice. It has come to my attention that my Mom is cheating on us. She won’t want me to tell you, but I feel like it is my obligation to report my household news as I see it. She is feeding the mice in the barn. Yes, you heard it here first! I heard her telling my Dad that if they are well fed and happy in the barn, they won’t come in to our house. She is feeding them Cheetos, potato chips and all kinds of stuff. So far, my ham seems to be safe, but I am keeping an eye on it just to be sure. Still, I might like some Cheetos for a mid-morning snack or maybe a chip or two could fall under my blanket. Maybe I need to start squeaking, eating electrical wires and running around in the cupboards? Or maybe not. What if I get sent to the barn to live with the mice? I am just going to kill this story right now before I get evicted and stuck in the smelly barn. Never mind.

CHUCK
Tampered Witness

SPRING CHICKEN

HAVE YOU SEEN SPRING YET? I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

As I trudge through the snow in my chicken outfit, I am reminded that Spring is just around the corner. Which corner? I don’t know, maybe the one behind the giant snow drift. It seems unbelievable to me that there is warm weather on its way. Why is it waiting? Why can’t it come now? This cold and snowy stuff is upsetting to my delicate little paws. I would like to go outside more, but my feet are frozen as soon as I exit my house. Let alone other parts of my nearly hairless body. I need a full, fluffy, giant fleece parka with attached booties just to make a little run around my yard. I will keep looking for spring, but if you see it first, please tell it to come to my house please!

CHUCK
Sick of Winter!!!!!

THIS CHICKEN IS COLD!!!